The first time I had cybersex was in 1995

Internet was instrumental to my finding my head and my feet and other body parts as a dominant and a sadist, firstly as a source of information and connection, secondly, and perhaps at least as importantly, as a playground.

There are numerous ways to do kink remotely, largely online. It is a better place for a lot of kink that it is for ''vanilla" sex. It is a better place for some kink than the real material world.

How come?

The first time I had cybersex was in 1995. It was over dial up connection, in a private chat embedded in a forum (that was at that time still called a BBS), using Netscape.

In the 25 years since then, I have had long periods in which I had not even thought of virtual sex, when it was pretty much the only sex I had, and when it was somewhere there on the back burner to the flesh and blood stuff.

But some of the initial thrill of that first, fumbly and not entirely successful time (at some point the guy started to worry that I was a dude and lost enthusiasm), is still with me.

Here I was, with a keyboard in front of me, able to actually have impact and influence -- able to create reality -- as valid a reality from the point of view of arousal and erotic satisfaction as the physical reality I lived in --  simply using my words. My mind. I didn't have to manipulate objects and give in to limitations of the physical world. Things were what we decided they were and the only condition needed to achieve joy was imagination and effective suspension of disbelief.

Later on, once broadband became a thing, sexting with photos became common. Then webcams. And instead of sharing a fantasy, I began, especially with my kink adventure, to do ''remote play" -- to use the Internet as a medium of communication about what was happening in the material world at the other end (I usually kept my side fairly guarded). This was fun, enjoyable, hot, often satisfying. I learnt a lot, I got bored with it, then went back to doing it now and then with a few people I enjoy as people and not just scene partners.

When thinking of this kind of play, I must concede with many people who say that it will rarely if ever have the intensity and impact of real life stuff. It is a replacement, a stop gap, a compromise. Sometimes wonderful, but still not quite *the real thing*. And although I appreciate the added realism of the pics, recordings, and the real time voice chat (I don't cam), my virtual heart lies still with the words. The abstract and the impossible made make-believe flesh.

If you find a suitable, creative and responsive play mate, one that can go with you into those places in which the only things that matter are imagination and effective suspension of disbelief, magic happens. Is it real? What *is* real? We are creatures of meaning, and although the swish and thwack of a hand or crop on skin, the way the marks feel under your fingers, are not possible to achieve in the fantasy space, so much is possible. So much that couldn't happen in the material world.

I dressed a boy who wanted to be a girl in silk and fur and made her truly beautiful and most desirable and the sluttiest of sluts. We swapped bodies and minds.

I drowned a boy in cold, clear water at high tide on a small sandy beach, a sad man and a naked old woman with a small gun watching. 

I made an all-knowing angel of death come on my fingers. I died, and I died, and I died again, then came back to life. 

I flew above the ocean with a fellow sea gull. 

I made a boy endlessly bleed out on an ancient altar as a sacrifice for powers that turned a good king into a beast of burden. I opened his ribcage and crawled inside, finding his bloodstone heart under his driftwood ribs, I grew green vines through his chest and bit his lips wide open, I fought his wolf self with my own leopard body, offering my neck to his claws and knowing he would not bite even in that form. I fucked a boy with a real-flesh cock of mine aboard an airship and made his never able to ejaculate regardless of how much torment I dished out to it.
We swam underwater for hours, we saw Dionysus dancing naked at the banks of Acheron, we stopped time and shrunk space and created the most wonderful drugs that humanity never discovered, and whole new worlds.

Silly? Kitchy? Pointless? Childish?

You tell me.